I commenced writing my book in 2012, my final year in a Master of Counseling. I was a full-time lawyer and corporate leader, not a counselor, so in my assignments I wrote about relationships as parents and leaders. I was driven by how we spend so much time attending to our physical muscles, though little if any focus on the why, what, how and when of our conversations. I had my WHY.
Contrary to the advice I was given, I engaged in free flow, without a structure, with no deadlines nor regular practice. Over time the book evolved to one offering skills (supported with personal stories, case studies, and exercises) for redesigning our conversations in our families, workplaces, and society. The structure developed after I left my corporate life, became an executive coach, and learnt user friendly and everyday skills to enhance our conversations through a Graduate Diploma of Ontological Coaching. I had one of those light-bulb moments: these skills gave me a language, a structure to inform my WHY. It was time to take on the cloak of a writer focused on the task at hand.
What did I learn?
It’s not about me
I live with a double whammy: I am a male and a lawyer, the expert, the one who knows, trained in mansplaining. Fortunately, my partner, Margi Brown Ash, is an actor, loving her audience, performing for them, not to tell them what a great actor she is. This enabled me to be aware of this, though I knew that some things are so embedded in us that we need others to help us. This is where my editors, through my publisher, were remarkable.
A dispassionate editor is a game changer
I have not met my structural and copy editors. All I know is that they got my WHY.
My structural editor prompted me to remove 30,000 words and restructure my book. I adopted all her high-level and detailed suggestions.
My copy editor challenged key concepts, causing me to redesign and re-write them.
In the process, I ‘killed many darlings’, especially quotes from literature. They were useful in my journey, though not in a book offering user friendly and everyday skills.
Speak and hear the words
I adopted the advice of those suggesting I spoke the words, allowing me to speak and hear them as a reader. This was valuable, though the WOW factor came when Margi read them to me. It was only a couple of chapters at a time, though this was enough for me to go away and think about not only how I wrote, but what I wrote. It helped that Margi was both an actor and a writer of plays, knowing that we only get there through re-write, re-write, and re-write. However, there comes a time when we must press the send button.
To know when to stop and press send
I really enjoyed writing my thoughts though there came a time when my wheels were spinning. This was exacerbated by developing my pitch to publishers while being told it would be a big ask to find a publisher for my book. I liked the idea of self-publishing. I could learn the skills and would have control of the process. Yet I was dithering. One Saturday morning last May, I woke up and declared, It’s Time to send the book to two publishers recommended to me by authors I knew and respected.
I felt such joy, especially when Ocean Reeve, of Ocean Reeve Publishing (ORP) in Brisbane, responded immediately. After several email exchanges, we meet the following Tuesday. As I told Ocean about my journey, he boldly declared, You’re a writer, not a publisher. Ocean went on to tick all my boxes. I asked myself, Is this too good to be true? I called my old friend, Tom Stodulka AM. ORP had published three collections of Tom’s poetry. It was a short conversation. Nothing more needed to be said after Tom declared, Ocean is a value-driven person. So, it turned out to be, flowing to ORP’s team who enabled me to be the best version of my writing self.
Publishing
There is a plethora of advice on the range of publishing options. I can only speak from my experience. I told Ocean Reeve of the other publisher recommended to me. He sang their praises, while noting one key difference was that the other was in Melbourne, not Brisbane.
Next time
With all its ups and downs, I have enjoyed the process and am proud of my book. I feel there is another book in me. It will be interesting to see how I approach it. Will I sit down and first develop a structure to work with? Or will I let that evolve. Time will tell.
Afterword
There has been a 'next time:
The removal of 30,000 words and restructure my book informed my Workbook. I enjoyed the process and consider I have allowed the skills offered in my book to be set out in a form to be the basis of conversations in families and workshops.
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